


I'm A Witch, We Know Things

by DigitalThespian



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Abigail Is Link, Action/Adventure, F/M, Hero Abigail, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Male Farmer Is Zelda, Mild Blood, Minor Character Death, Romance, Unfortunate Implications, Unreliable Narrator, Video Game Mechanics, non-permanent death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 23:00:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29865369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigitalThespian/pseuds/DigitalThespian
Summary: Abigail knows her favorite game like the back of her hand; she watches popular streamers who speedrun the game, she's gotten 100% atleastfifty times, and she's finished the gamehundredsof times. She may not be the top of the leaderboards for completion time, but people on the forums recognize her username for sure. It was safe to say that Abigail could be considered an expert on all things Link To The Past.So while she didn't know what led to her taking Link's place like this, or why the farmer was Zelda, there was one thing she was absolutely certain of.It was areallybad day to be Ganon.
Relationships: Abigail/Male Player (Stardew Valley)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	I'm A Witch, We Know Things

**Author's Note:**

> This is definitely not my most serious work, but I'm pretty happy with it! Have some shenanigans involving Abigail abusing her knowledge of Hyrule to hilarious—and sometimes devastating—effect.
> 
> Oh, yeah, and the farmer is there too, I guess.

Abigail started awake in her bed. “What the—”

…Scratch that, this was _not_ her bed. And since it _also_ wasn’t the _farmer’s_ bed… She had a problem.

“I’m going out, Abigail. Don’t worry about the storm; I’ll be back before you know it.” A man she definitely didn’t know—but who looked strangely similar to Pierre—left the small cottage.

She stared at the door, then looked around. “…No _fucking_ way. There’s no way Rasmodius _isn’t_ involved, somehow. How _else_ would I have ended up here…?” She was fairly certain she had just woken up at the beginning of one of her favorite games…

The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past.

She sat for a moment more, before swinging her legs out of bed. “Well, I know how this goes for good old Uncle Mustache, so I better get going.” She stood, staggering under the unexpected weight. “What the—hot damn, am I wearing a mail tunic under my vest? How was I even _sleeping_ in this…?” She shook her head, walking to the door. “Whatever. Time to go out in a torrential downpour and potentially get stabbed by a corrupt guard. Good thing I’m used to walking to the mines in a torrential downpour to potentially get clawed by a shadow brute. Those guards ain’t shit. Wish I had my sword, though…”

She strode out into the rain.

* * *

“Hah… hah… okay… I see why… Link needs the boots to run… this fucker is _heavy_ … better than… getting stabbed though,” she panted. She straightened, looking at the bush she knew concealed the secret entrance to Hyrule Castle. “…Can I just pick it up?”

She reached down, grasping the stem, and tugged straight up. The entire plant came free, and it was immediately obvious why; it had a root system as wide as it was… half an inch below ground. She tossed it to the side, repeating the process with the next; this one took the sod with it. “Oh, hey, what do ya know. A big hole in the ground.” 

She stared a moment.

“…Man, I really hope I don’t break my legs. Actually…” She walked to the fence by the river, intending to hop up onto it, but found she couldn’t. As soon as she raised her legs above a certain height, they became unbelievably heavy. “…Okay, that pretty well confirms this world follows Zelda physics. Bombs away, I guess.”

She turned back, and jumped down the hole before she could second-guess herself.

Her fears were assuaged only moments into the fall; she simply didn’t accelerate any more. Terminal velocity here was no more than that of a four foot drop back home. She landed in the passage with a splash, noting Uncle Mustache exactly where he had been in the game.

… _Un_ like the game, he was breathing raggedly, lying in a pool of what was clearly his own blood.

“ _Jesus!_ ” Abigail dashed over, skidding to a stop. “Oh my god, what—I don’t know what to do to help you, I don’t have anything—”

She cut off as the man pressed the handle of a sword into her hand. “…Abigail… dear Abigail… I should have known you would follow me… you always have—” he let out a wet, wracking cough, “…always have had the spirit of a hero… a daughter I can be… proud of…”

She stared in horror, tears in her eyes for a man she didn’t even know, and yet, one who considered her a daughter—wasn’t he an uncle in the game…? She shook the thought from her head.

…Now was not the time.

He continued. “…you must… finish what I started… you must save the Prince… the royal advisor, Morrius…”

You have _got_ to be kidding. This could not get any worse, now she has to deal with _Morris_?

“…kidnapped Prince… Kalebim…”

…She had to go and jinx it. She nodded solemnly. “I’ll save the Prince. You can count on me… father.”

“…I know I can.” She felt tears rolling down her cheeks as he smiled at her. “Go… it is too late for me, now…” He closed his eyes, at peace in his last moments. “…become the hero… you were meant… to be…”

She felt her heart clench as he stilled. “…I will.”

She stood, hefting the sword. “…It’s not the farmer’s katana, or my falchion, but it’s sturdy. I guess I don’t know what I expected from Link’s starting sword…” She squared her shoulders, advancing down the hall carefully. She arrived at a set of spiral stone steps, noting that there was a helpful indicator above them to show that they led up. “…Yes, thank you, I never would have known, otherwise,” she deadpanned.

She set off, reaching the top only to find a guard in green armor facing away from her. She readied her sword, then hesitated.

…What if they were people too? Monsters were one thing, but was she ready to kill a _person_? The guard turned, and did a double take when he saw her, raising his shield and dagger. “Intruder! You may not pass, by order of Lord Morrius! By his power I am compelled to defeat you; should you wish to go any further, t’will have to be over my dead body!” he proclaimed, striding towards her—but not all that urgently.

That… was a really weird way to phrase that. “You sure you can’t let me by? You don’t seem particularly personally invested,” she called out cautiously.

“I am Frederick, a sworn knight of Hyrule, loyal to the crown! I would sooner _die_ than betray it!” He continued his approach, and she could see his eyes through his helmet—they were the eyes of a man desperately trying to make a point. “I say again; you will _**have to kill me**_ should you wish to continue your foolish ploy to _**save the Prince!**_ ”

…This was _so_ much worse. He _knows_. Morrius is controlling them somehow, and he’s _aware_. Her options were kill an innocent man… or let an unwilling innocent man kill her. “…I will not be stopped. I _**will**_ save the Prince, and I _**will**_ stop Morrius.” She was quiet a brief moment. “…you have my word.”

Gratitude and relief shone in the man’s eyes. “Then have at thee! For king and kingdooom!” The man let out a dramatic roar, charging in recklessly, and Abigail stepped neatly to the side. She jammed the point of her sword through a gap in the man’s armor under his dagger hand, straight into his heart. He sucked in a choked breath.

“…I’m sorry. Your sacrifice won’t be in vain.”

He collapsed, shield and dagger clattering to the floor. “…thank you…” He managed to roll over halfway, and clasped a fist to his chest, looking her in the eyes. “…for Hyrule…” He went slack, head hitting the floor with a clank, and Abigail resisted the urge to vomit.

“…Jesus, I never thought about the context in this game, this is _so_ fucked up…” She turned, making her way down the hall.

* * *

Abigail crept into the throne room; she was going to try and avoid any more fights if she could. They were innocent. She ducked around a torch sconce, darting to the side door. Now, so far it was like she remembered… she could theoretically just make a break for the other end of the hall.

She smiled, a plan forming. She rounded the corner at a brisk jog, sheathing her sword. The guards turned to her in alarm—three of them, as expected. “What are you doing here?! Who are you!?”

“Something’s happened to Fredrick! I have to warn Morrius, and the man guarding the Prince!”

They halted awkwardly. “Uh… you’re definitely not a guard…”

“I’m a witch! Why do you think I know Morrius?” She blew past the first two guards.

“Why do you have a sword, then?”

“Witches can swordfight! Relying on just magic is dumb, but your sword always has your back!” She cleared the third, rounding the corner and continuing through the door.

She could hear one of them behind her talking to the others. “…I think we’ve been had.”

“Probably. But I didn’t have to kill an innocent woman, so I’m not gonna worry about it too much. She _could_ be telling the truth,” came the response.

Thank you, Fredrick. Your sacrifice was _not_ in vain; it taught me how to save your brothers-in-arms.

She went downstairs, and halted when she saw a single guard in blue armor, with a locked door just behind. “… _shit_ ,” she muttered.

The guard looked at her. “…You’re not supposed to be here.”

“Oh shit, you’re a girl. You know, that explains why the others didn’t give me any bullshit about having a sword…” Abigail shook her head. “What are the odds you can let me through that door?”

“I cannot abandon my duty; I shall guard the key with my life,” she stated firmly.

Abigail blinked, muttering to herself. “…what are the odds that I’ve still got…” She patted her inside vest pocket. “ _Oh my god they’re still there_ ,” she whispered. She couldn’t help but giggle, addressing the woman again. “What if I don’t take the key?”

The guard halted. “…Pardon?”

“Can you let me through if I let you keep the key?”

“I can’t lend it to you either, but nice try,” the woman sighed tiredly.

“No, I don’t need it. I’ll just be on my way, and you can keep the key on the other side of the room, where there’s no chance I could steal it.”

She looked at Abigail in confusion, then walked to the other side of the room. “I don’t see how, but alright. I’m guarding the key; I have no other orders.”

Abigail beamed. “Thanks!” She jogged to the door, crouching down and pulling out a small leather case tucked into her vest. She removed two small, slender tools, and set about picking the lock. After only a few moments, it opened. “…Wow. That’s… a _really_ terrible lock. I might be able to just _rake_ these open…” She stood up, putting away her tools. “Thanks!” She clasped a fist over her heart the way she had seen Fredrick do, nodding once. “For Hyrule.”

The woman returned the gesture, shocked. “…For Hyrule.”

* * *

“Wait!”

Abigail halted, giving the guard in the dungeon an odd look. “…Why?”

“I have to kill any intruder who enters this room.”

“…And since I’m still outside the room it’s fine.”

“Pretty much.” He walked over. “Do you have the cell key?”

“…no, I’ve been opening the locks without the keys.”

He blinked. “You can _do_ that?”

“Yeah, it’s a talent of mine.”

“Is that a thing with all locks?”

“Mostly, yeah.”

“You should come check the cell door, to be sure; it wouldn’t do to have a problem like that on a door this important. You’ll have to come with me.”

Abigail grinned. “Well, glad I can help.” She followed him inside, and was faced with a _very_ tall man in _very_ intimidating armor.

The man glared, hefting his ball and chain as she got close. The guard leading her sighed. “Dammit, your orders are something like ‘kill anyone who _touches_ this door’, aren’t they?”

“…kill anyone who attempts to free the Prince, at any cost.”

“Oh, is that all?” Abigail grinned. “Alright, just let me know when you’re gonna let that thing loose so I can move.”

They stared at her. “Huh?”

“I can’t _explain_ , it won’t work then.”

They looked at each other, then shrugged. “You’re not an intruder, since I brought you here, so I’m good.” The man in the green armor walked back to his post by the table.

Abigail edged between the bigger guard and the cell door, at which point he began to swing the ball and chain around. “Take this!” he cried.

“Move out of the way, Prince!” She dove to the side, and the ball crashed through the bars of the door.

The guards stared, and the one with the ball and chain laughed. “Well, I wasn’t _trying_ to do that, so it’s clear on my end.”

“And I’m not trying to free the Prince. If he happens to follow me out, I guess that’s how it is. I’ll be going, since you don’t need me for the lock anymore.”

“I regret to inform you the crown will not be able to compensate you for services rendered, given no services were actually rendered.” Abigail got the impression the green-armored guard was wearing the biggest shit-eating grin in Hyrule.

“Oh darn, whatever will I do,” she droned as she began to walk away.

“W-Wait for me!”

The guards watched as the Prince dashed after her, not moving a muscle to stop him. “Help. He’s escaping,” the taller one deadpanned.

“Oh no. If only my orders let me leave this room to recapture him,” said the other, equally monotone.

Abigail laughed, and finally the Prince caught up. “You’re rescuing me…?”

“You bet I am. Morrius can go to hell.” She shot him a grin, then flushed slightly at his extreme similarity to the farmer.

“Thank you!” He reached out to clasp her hand in both of his. “I’m in your debt…!”

She coughed, looking away to hide the burning in her cheeks. “Yeah, well, thank me when we actually get out, yeah?”

“I know a—”

“Secret passage behind the coat of arms behind the throne?”

He blinked, completely stunned. “How…?”

“I know a _lot_ of things about Hyrule.” She paused, then grinned to herself. “…I’m a witch, after all.”

“…that _would_ explain why you’re so clever…” he mused, but still seemed skeptical. “But aren’t witches supposed to be old and wrinkled? You’re far too pretty to be a witch,” he pointed out.

Abigail could _feel_ her face turning bright red. “…I’m only part witch.”

“Is that possible? I had no idea. Is that why you have a sword?”

“Yep! Definitely that!” she blurted.

* * *

The two crept up to the coat of arms, and began pushing it out of the way. Or at least, Abigail did. “…little help here, buddy?” she grunted.

“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t want to be in your way.” He stepped forward, and began steadily pushing the stone sculpture to the side.

“…Holy cow, how strong _are_ you?”

“Um… I don’t know? How do I measure that?”

She shook her head. “Later. We need to get out of here.”

* * *

The Prince clung to her side, and she could feel her heart racing. “…I’m afraid of the dark…”

“Really?” She looked over at him in surprise. “I never would have expected that.”

“Well… I’m technically afraid of not knowing what’s _in_ the dark…”

“I’ll protect you, don’t worry.”

“…Okay. Thank you—oh, I never asked your name, I’m so sorry,” he mumbled.

“I’m Abigail.”

“…Abigail…” he whispered, and she couldn’t suppress a shiver. “…What a strange and interesting name,” he continued.

“Way to flatter a girl,” she laughed.

“Oh! Goodness, I’m so terribly sorry; it’s a beautiful name, it’s simply not one I’ve heard before—”

She cut him off before he could heap any more compliments upon her. “I was just giving you a hard time. It’s alright.”

“O-Oh. Sorry, that’s not something I’m accustomed to…”

“It’s alright, you’re the Prince. It makes sense.”

* * *

“Oh dear… I remember one of these is a trap, but I can’t recall which…”

Abigail finished pulling the handle on the right. “Not this one.” The door opened, and she allowed herself a smirk as he gawked at her.

“…you really are a witch.”

“Damn right.”

They exited the tunnel, and Abigail was face-to-face with… Lewis. Or someone who looked like Lewis. He lit up when he saw her and the Prince. “Oh, thank heavens, I was so worried! Morrius must be stopped, you need to—”

“Recover the Master Sword, right?”

“You—how did you know that?”

The Prince giggled. “She’s just like that. She says she’s a witch.”

“Well… I suppose you know what to do, then. Prince Kalebim will be safe here, don’t fret.”

Abigail was absolutely going to fret, she knew _exactly_ how this turned out. But… even if she convinced them to go elsewhere, they would probably just be found there instead. She nodded. “Stay safe, alright?”

The Prince nodded quickly. “Will I see you again…?”

Her heart leapt into her throat. Dammit, stupid cute Prince being all bashful and adorable… “As if I could bring myself to stay away,” she shot him a wink, and then wondered what on _earth_ had possessed her to say that.

He gasped quietly, cheeks flushing red, and he looked away for a moment before peeking back over at her out of the corner of his eye, a shy smile on his face. “…then I’ll be waiting. Be safe, Abigail…”

_God_ , her heart couldn’t take this. “I will.”

* * *

Abigail walked into Sahasasralasrarhahsahsha’s Hut, or whatever the fuck his name was. “Hey, I need the Master Sword to kick Morrius’ ass; I already went and got the Pendant of Courage, as per the legend.”

“Oh! You are remarkably well-read for a youngster. Very well; take these, they will serve you well on your quest for the other two pendants.” He handed over a pair of red boots with a wing motif on the ankles.

She took them, and was shocked by how heavy they were. “Holy crap, are these steel-toed or what?”

“They are imbued with the swiftness of the wind, and the unstoppable power of the tides. They are also very heavy, so that when you run into a foe they don’t knock you down.”

“Huh. Alright, sure.” Abigail plopped down, removing her boots and donning the Pegasus Shoes—which she still maintained was a dumb name, they’re _clearly_ boots. She got to her feet, and to her delight, the weight was hardly noticeable. “Sweet. Time to give these a little test run.”

She faced the cracked back wall, and tried to… focus on going fast, or something. ‘Hold A’ wasn’t exactly a translatable concept. Fortunately, the magic of the boots understood intent, and she felt a rush of wind gather at her back, before she rocketed forwards. She was approaching the wall at an alarming speed, and she hoped the magic helped with the impact too, otherwise she may have just made a grave mistake.

She made contact with the wall, and the stone shattered; the extra force was redirected—instead of being transferred into, say, _all the bones in her upper body_ —and she sprang back a few feet. “…That is _awesome_.”

* * *

Abigail charged into the final room of the dungeon, sword in one hand, gleaming steel gauntlet on the other. She wasn’t sure why the game didn’t let you make use of the Power Glove’s super-strength to just… punch the _shit_ out of things, because so far, it was working out _great_. “Come out of the ground so I can break you in half, you lame-ass sandworm wannabe!” she roared.

It did just that, making a beeline straight for her, screeching in outrage.

And then she punched it right in its goddamn face, and it died.

“One worm down, two to go!” She grinned. “Who’s next?!”

* * *

She watched Moldorm writhing about on the platform, with its creepy googly eyes and erratic, spiraling movement, and decided she was having none of _that_ , thank you. She drew the bow she had recovered in Eastern Palace, taking aim at one of its horrifying bugged-out eyes.

It was undeniably effective, and after a few shots more, Moldorm exploded, because for some reason that’s what boss monsters did when they died.

She hopped down to collect the third Pendant.

* * *

“Abigail? Why are you…?”

She shrugged, blushing slightly. “Just wanted to come check in. I have the three pendants; I’m off to the Lost Woods next to retrieve the Master Sword.”

“Already…? It’s been less than a day!” The Prince was flabbergasted. “Oh,” he murmured, face flushing. “I will be waiting less time than I expected, then…”

She regarded him for a moment. “…do you know how to use a sword?”

He startled, looking at her in confusion. “No? Why do you ask…?”

“It bothers me that you don’t have a weapon.” She thought for a moment, then began to grin. She took off the Power Glove. “I shouldn’t need this; I’ll come back for it once I get the Master Sword, and I’ll give you the basics of swordfighting. But for now, put this on, and if any bad guys show up, punch them with it _really hard_. Or throw them.”

“ _Throw_ them?!” the Prince blurted. “I’m not nearly strong enough to—”

“Just put it on; humor me. I’m a witch, I know what’s up.”

The Prince nodded his head side to side. “I suppose you haven’t been wrong yet…” he conceded, putting on the gauntlet. “Hm; it feels much lighter now that it’s on.”

“That’s because it’s magic, and it makes you like, ten times stronger. You’re _already_ really strong.” Abigail grinned. “Like I said; punch them _really hard_. But not Morrius, if he shows up, that won’t work. At least, I don’t think it will. It’ll probably shock you.”

The Prince blinked. “Oh. Um… thank you, Abigail. Are you… anticipating me needing this…?”

“A little,” she lied. “If he’s watching me, this would be one of his last chances to try and kidnap you, because once I have the Master Sword I’m going to _really_ mess up his day.”

“I… see. I will remain vigilant, then.”

“Good. Stay safe, alright?” She turned to go, but he caught her wrist. “Huh—”

She cut off when he stood on his tiptoes to press a quick kiss to her cheek, retreating and staring at the ground. “You stay safe too…”

She was sure she was the color of her boots. “Yep! I will!” she squeaked.

* * *

Abigail approached the pedestal that held the Master Sword, in awe of the raw _power_ in the air. “…Whoa. This thing is _intense_.” She gripped the handle with both hands, debating whether it was a gradual pull or sharp tug sort of situation; was this very dramatic? Yes, absolutely, she was about to pull the Master Sword from its pedestal, and she was going to do it right, dammit!

“…My way; odds on it’ll work no matter what I do.” She pulled sharply upwards, and it came free with a satsfying _schwing!_ She flipped it around, holding it aloft; not because she was compelled to, or anything, but because it just felt awesome to do. She lowered it, looking at the blade, and noting the Triforce engraving near the hilt. “…Huh, it’s nearly identical to the one from Wind Waker. Didn’t expect that.”

She looked out across the clearing, checking for stray critters, then gave it an experimental swing.

A shining crescent of light trailed behind the point, pulling free and pinwheeling straight and true through the air before impacting a tree on the far side of the clearing. Abigail stared for a moment. “Holy shit, that is _so_ much cooler than I expected, and my expectations were pretty darn high.”

She hopped over the dais, striding towards the exit. “Now to see if the farmer was able to manage anything or he just got plot-kidnapped.” She exited the lost woods, and something occurred to her.

Shouldn’t he have contacted her telepathically by now? Speaking of, shouldn’t he have done that at the _start_ of the story? She shrugged, continuing on and dashing past the guards that gave chase.

She’d find out soon.

She approached the Sanctuary, noting a crowd of guards outside. “What the hell…?”

Her question was answered by a yell that sounded suspiciously like the Wilhelm Scream as a guard in red armor came flying out the door. She snickered to herself, skirting around to avoid the guards and running into the courtyard from the side, and then into the Sanctuary.

She then found herself lifted off the ground, and she looked down into the eyes of the Prince, who was currently holding her over his head in both hands. His expression turned to panic, and he hastily set her down. “I’m so sorry! I just—I thought you were—”

“Hey, easy; good reflexes. Better that than getting caught. Hang tight, okay?” She walked back to the door and closed it behind her, calling out to the guards. “Hey! Morrius! I know you can hear me, you little shitstain! Get out here and fight me, because you ain’t getting the Prince otherwise!”

There was a flash, and a surprisingly sinister-looking Morris appeared in the robes Aghanim wore in the game. “You are a fool, and you will die a fool.”

He began to gather magic in one hand, and she raised her eyebrows. “Wow, you’re not messing around. Alright, I dig. Bring it, jackass.” He launched the bolt of energy towards her, and she batted it straight back at him, laughing when it hit him square in the face. “Ha! Get fucked.”

“You will pay for that!” He did the same thing, with similar results. “You insolent…!” Again. “I won’t let you win so easily!” This time he fired a bolt of lightning, but just like the game, it was predictable, and she was long since out of the way. “How are you predicting my spells!?”

She smirked. “I’m a witch. We know things.”

“ _DIE!_ ” He fired again, and again, and Abigail continued to hit them back, until finally, he collapsed to one knee. “ _HOW?!_ ”

Abigail regarded him for a moment. “…I’m not sure how to kill him,” she muttered.

“My master keeps me alive from beyond the veil,” he grunted. “You may have won this time, but I will be back.”

“Shit, that’s right, I gotta kill Ganon, don’t I…” She sighed. “Dammit, that’s gonna be a pain in the ass…”

“As if you could accomplish such a feat—”

“Well I sure kicked _your_ ass, didn’t I?”

“Ha! He is invulnerable, you could never—”

She cut him off again. “Except for silver arrows, which I can get by visiting the cursed fairy sealed in the pyramid.”

“Wh-What?! How do you know that?!”

“I know _everything_ there is to know about Hyrule, including the Dark World. You’re outclassed. I know where every Great Fairy lives, I know where the king of the Zora lives, I know where the wishing fountain is. Both of them. I know where the Cane of Byrna is hidden, _and_ all three medallions. You’ve _lost_.”

Morrius sagged, finally dropping to his other knee. “…fine. You win.”

Abigail realized she needed the Triforce to undo the damage that had been done, and sighed again. “Dammit, I still gotta go kill Ganon,” she muttered. “Hey, Morrius; un-brainwash the guards, and get the hell out of Hyrule. Better yet, go get me the Magic Hammer from the Palace of Darkness or something. Or the Titan’s Mitt from Thieves’ Town. Either works. I’ve got the mirror and the Moon Pearl, but I need one of those two to go back and forth between here and the Dark World.”

“And why would I help _you_?”

“Well, not dying comes to mind; once I kill Ganon you won’t have any evil magic powers or whatever, I see no reason why I can’t leave you alive.”

“…so all I have to do is bring you the Titan’s Mitt, or the Magic Hammer?”

“I’d prefer all the help I can get, frankly; the more you do for me, the less shitty I’ll make your life after I fix everything.”

“Fine.” Morrius staggered to his feet, then slowly vanished, phasing into the Dark World.

The soldiers all looked around, then looked at their limbs. “We’re… we’re free!” A great cheer went up and several of them hugged each other excitedly.

A small group approached her, kneeling. “Your actions in the castle spared our lives; if you need our assistance, you need only ask.”

“You’d probably do this anyway, but make sure nothing happens to the Prince. Other than that, I think there’s not much you could do. No offense, but Ganon would just kill you.”

There was a strange sound as Morrius reappeared, and he waved a hand. A startlingly large number of items clattered to the ground, among them the Titan’s Mitt and the Magic Hammer; shockingly, there was _also_ the Red Mail, the Mirror Shield, and the Silver Arrows, plus the Hookshot, to boot. He nodded once. “There.”

Abigail stared at the pile. “…Hot damn, I can just go straight there with all this.” She looked up at Morrius. “Alright; you’re still an asshole for helping Ganon in the first place, but you did the right thing in the end. I’ll make sure you’ve got a nice house and stuff.”

He nodded, then disappeared again. She looked brightly at the guards. “Well! I’m off to murder a demon-pig-man, I’ll be back, and Fredrick won’t be dead anymore.”

The door opened slowly, and the Prince peeked out. “Is it over…? It’s been quiet for a while…”

She turned to him, giving him a thumbs-up. “Yep! I even got him to bring me the stuff I’ll need to go kill Ganon, so I shouldn’t be too long.”

“You’re leaving again…?”

“Yeah, I need to restore the world to how it was before Ganon started messing with it, so I need to kill him and do some magic stuff.” She decided it was maybe best not to mention that the Triforce was real and could do things like bring back the dead.

He darted out, taking off the Power Glove. “Here,” he said as he held it out.

She shook her head. “I have the Dark World version now, so you can actually hang on to that. They’re both left gauntlets, so I can only wear one anyway, and you’re clearly getting a lot of utility out of it.”

He nodded slowly, then set it down, walking closer. She began to grow nervous as he drew very, _very_ near; and then he reached out to take her hand with both of his. “Thank you, Abigail. For everything, both for myself, and my kingdom. When this is all over… if there is anything you desire, anything at all… you need only ask. So… be sure to come back, okay?” he asked shyly, cheeks red.

“I will; I’ll handle Ganon, and then Hyrule can be safe.” She smiled, her own cheeks flushing. “I’m looking forward to being able to talk to you when there’s not a crisis going on.”

He nodded breathlessly, and she turned to go, gathering her gear and headed for the nearest warp point to the Dark World.

* * *

Abigail dropped into the room containing Ganon. “Hey, Prince of Darkness or whatever you call yourself, it’s time to pay the piper!”

He turned, scowling, only to take a silver arrow between the eyes. He howled in fury, a trident materializing from thin air as another two arrows followed the first. He rushed towards her, and she managed to fire a fourth before dashing to the side, immediately turning to draw a fifth. Before long, he leapt into the air, and the floor on the edge of the room began to fall away. A few more well-placed shots, and the room was but an island with a pit around the edge.

She dashed forward, bow in one gauntleted hand, and four arrows in the other. She rammed her gauntleted fist into his stomach, and he staggered, the dark power protecting him flickering for a moment. She awkwardly nocked the four arrows, drawing them back and firing point-blank into his chest.

Didn’t matter if she couldn’t aim four arrows if there was no room to miss!

He let out a final roar, toppling forwards onto the floor with a crash. She nodded to herself, looking over at the doorway that had opened up.

…She shot him once more in the neck to be sure.

* * *

The light from the golden power faded, and Abigail found herself standing in her house in the Light World, her uncle (father?) standing by the fire. He smiled at her. “I’m proud of you, Abigail. You’re every inch the hero I always knew you would be.”

She felt tears stinging the corners of her eyes. “…Thanks, dad.”

“Now; I think you have someone waiting for you, don’t you?” His eyes twinkled. “I’m sure you and the Prince have much to talk about.”

She perked up. “You’re right!” She dug out the sword he’d given her at the start, setting it on the table. “Also, I believe this is yours. Stay safe ‘til I get back, okay?”

“Go!” He shooed her out the door with a smile.

She felt the wind at her heels as she ran for the castle, and the guards waved with a cheer as she approached the gates. “The Hero returns!”

“For Hyrule!” she called as she passed, and laughed at the mighty cheer that arose in response.

“ _FOR HYRULE!_ ”

She entered the double doors, striding up the stairs to the second floor, and into the throne room. The king looked up, tilting his head curiously, then nodded. “Ah; you must be Abigail, then. My son has seldom gone five minutes without mentioning you,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. “Thank you for saving the kingdom, truly. He is in the inner courtyard; I’m sure he would love to see you.”

_Inner courtyard…?_ Abigail thought. _That’s not in the game… is it a post-Triforce thing?_

Outwardly, she smiled, nodding. “Thank you, your majesty. I would certainly love to see him.”

“Oho? Well, perhaps I should see about making sure there is an additional place at the dinner table, then.”

She blushed. “Oh, er… thank you.” She turned, waving as she went. “I must be off; wouldn’t want to keep him waiting.”

“Of course,” the king laughed.

She stopped the first guard she passed, which just so happened to be Frederick. “Hey, uh, there are a few things that are different now that I’ve fixed stuff, but everyone knows I know everything, and I was too embarrassed to admit it to the king; where’s the inner courtyard?”

Frederick laughed. “I can show you the way. And, Abigail?”

She smiled gratefully. “Thanks. And what’s up?”

“Thank you for dispatching me quickly, and for your words of assurance in my final moments. For reviving me as well, of course, but… those words meant more than you know. I had all but succumbed to despair at my betrayal of the crown…”

“Wait, shit, you _remember_? Oof, I’m sorry… I mean, you’re welcome, it was the least I could do, but I’m sorry you have to remember that at all.”

“It’s alright; t’was a humbling experience, and one that makes me thankful for what I have.”

* * *

Abigail stepped into a courtyard that _definitely_ wasn’t in the game, and looked around in awe. “…Wait, this is the—is this from _Ocarina of Time_!?”

“Abigail?!” The Prince’s voice came from the other side of a large tree in the middle, followed soon by the Prince himself. “ _Abigail!_ ”

Her heart leapt into her throat at the sight of the excited joy on his face. “Hey,” she said, very charmingly.

He was really cute, cut her some slack, alright?

“You did it! You even gave me my father back!” He practically leapt at her, throwing his arms around her. “Thank you, thank you _ever_ so much!” He finally drew back, hands lingering at her hips. “How could I _ever_ repay you…?”

“I did it because it was the right thing to do; you don’t have to ‘repay’ me.” She smiled impishly. “I won’t lie, though, the way you look at me definitely goes a long way.”

He blushed bright red. “O-Oh,” he swallowed, “well… looking at you this way is certainly no hardship…” He drew slightly closer. “Abigail, I…”

She couldn’t look away, nor did she want to. “…Yeah?”

“…might I convince you to stay a while…?” His gaze flicked to her lips, just for a moment.

“Consider me convinced.” She winked. “What was the next stage of your master plan?”

“Um… I was making it up as I went,” he admitted. “Er… ask you to court me?” He stiffened, letting out a squeak as he realized what he’d just said.

She headed him off before he could backpedal. “Alright; I know a lot of things, but not everything. Is there a particular gesture one makes to show their intent to court a handsome Prince?”

“Y-Yes—well, not a Prince _specifically_ , but in general, yes, b-but, I…” he faltered a moment, “but I really want you to kiss me and I don’t want to wait,” he blurted.

He took a sharp breath as she took his face gently in her hands. “Then I won’t keep you waiting.” She leaned in, pressing their lips together gently before pulling away. “Well…?”

He stared at her, face flushed. “…please do that again,” he whispered.

“Gladly.” She kissed him again, more insistently, and he slipped his arms around her waist.

“…I speak of repaying you, and yet here I stand, digging myself deeper in your debt with every kiss…” he murmured. “…whatever am I to do…?”

“Guess I’ll just have to stick around for a while, until we figure it out…” she murmured back.

“At _this_ rate that could be _years_ …” he breathed, kissing her again.

“I can think of worse fates. Sure you really want me around for that long?”

“More than I’ve ever been of _anything_.” His declaration was surprisingly fierce. “I asked you to court me, didn’t I…?”

“So you did… Then I’ll stay, as long as I can.”

“Do you have no home to return to…?”

She was reminded of the Valley, and of the _real_ Kaleb, rather than the lookalike in her arms. Her heart sank. There was no guarantee he’d ever look at her like _this_ … but _this_ wasn’t real, was it…? “I… don’t actually know. My past is… strange. I may one day vanish; I don’t know when, or how, or why.”

The Prince’s eyes widened. “No…!” He worried his lip. “…I don’t want to lose you, but… if there’s nothing you can do… we should cherish the time we do have. I… stay, with me.”

She flushed. “Like… in the castle…? Do you have like—what am I saying, of course you’d have an extra room.”

“I… meant in… _my_ room.” He quickly shook his head. “O-Or I-I could stay with you, I know you would protect me,” he stammered.

“I… have a feeling your bed is nicer than mine,” Abigail laughed. “I’ll stay, your highness.”

“Call me Kaleb…?”

Her heart seized. “I thought your name was Kalebim…?”

“It is, but… I’ve always wished to have a friend who could call me a nickname, being the Prince was rather lonely…”

“…Then Kaleb it is.”

“Would you… like to come see my room, then…?”

She followed him there, and they talked, and talked some more, and once dinner had ended, they retired, Kaleb curling into Abigail’s arms with a happy, satisfied hum. “Sweet dreams, Kaleb…”

“…likewise, Abi…” He drifted off to sleep, and she followed soon after.

* * *

She awoke in the morning in a bed that wasn’t her own, nor was it the Prince’s.

But it wasn’t an issue; because this time, it _was_ the farmer’s.

She pulled him closer, still half asleep. “…mmm… mornin’, Kaleb…”

“…Abi…? I… was that dream _real_ …?” He turned to face her. “Were you… did you by chance have a dream about saving Hyrule…? Or is there a different, likely equally strange explanation for how you ended up in my bed?”

She started awake. “Holy _shit_ , you remember…?!”

“…yeah.” He smiled softly. “Look at you, miss hero. You even got the Prince in the end.”

“I am so sorry,” she blurted. “I—I’ll just—oh—”

She cut off when he kissed her. “Where are you going…? I said you got the Prince, didn’t I…?”

“Oh my god, you were acting like that the _entire time_ and that was actually _you_ , that’s fucking _adorable_.”

“I mean… I was only like, semi-aware? You know what I mean, when you’re dreaming you sometimes just look at things a certain way, and when you wake up you’re like ‘wha…?’” He paused a moment. “…but yeah, you showed up with a sword and broke me out of the castle dungeon, and the part about not liking the dark was all me,” he admitted.

“Wait, why did you act like you were just… a dude version of Zelda, then?”

“I _kinda_ knew what was going on, but I’ve only played the game once, a really long time ago, and I had no idea how to use any of Zelda’s powers, which is why I never like, telepathy’d you or whatever. I was actually kinda worried I was screwed, since I couldn’t contact Link, but when you arrived I basically said ‘oh, Link is _Abigail_?! Cool, we’re good, I’m just gonna be the Prince and stay out of the way, Ganon’s _super_ fucked.’” Kaleb laughed. “I know you’ve played it a million times, so I figured I’d just be in the way.”

“But you also didn’t help move the coat of arms at first,” she pointed out.

“I… may have just flat out forgotten it takes both Link and Zelda. Also you’re pretty strong, I just didn’t think about it.” He chuckled. “But I guess so am I, so. The Power Glove was fun. Thanks for that, both because I didn’t get kidnapped, and because I got to yeet several grown men and women in plate mail out of the Sanctuary.”

“You know… I wonder if anyone else remembers,” Abigail mused.

“Were other people in town in the game besides Lewis?”

“Yeah, Morris was Aghanim, you probably remember that—”

“Holy shit, really?! No, I was in the cell from the start; I never actually saw him, and my brain somehow didn’t parse ‘Morrius’ until just now,” Kaleb said in disbelief.

“Oh, yeah, I whooped his ass.” Abigail grinned, and Kaleb laughed. She continued, “but yeah, dad was the uncle, which was weird, but otherwise no one else; not that I ran into, at least. The dwarven blacksmiths were probably Clint and… Marlon? Gunther?”

Kaleb tilted his head. “Wanna go ask?”

“I mean…” Abigail blushed. “I kinda like where we’re at now…”

“I agree, but you are in my bed, and your dad is going to be _pissed_ if he finds out without us having an alibi.”

She grimaced. “Good point…”

* * *

Fortunately it was still very early, and Kaleb and Abigail walked into the shop right at opening with two bags of crops. “Abigail! There you are, I was worried sick!”

Caroline rushed over, and Abigail chuckled sheepishly. “Oh, shoot; I must have forgotten to mention I was going to be helping Kaleb this morning. I’m sorry, mom.”

“It’s alright, dear. You’re being a good neighbor, I can’t stay mad at you for that.”

Pierre walked in, an odd look on his face. “…Morning, Kaleb. Quite a bit of stuff there, eh?”

“Yeah, it’s a good thing Abigail agreed to help, making two trips would have taken a pretty big chunk out of the day.”

Caroline smiled. “Well, I must be going; good to see you, Kaleb!”

“You too!” She left, and he approached the counter. “Alright, so here’s the haul.”

“Gotcha,” Pierre said somewhat distractedly, and his hand came up to rub against his stomach.

“Hey, dad, weird question; did you have a really weird dream last night about a castle?”

Pierre looked at her in alarm. “W-What?! Of course not,” he said, not at all convincingly.

Kaleb shook his head. “I had it too; so did Abigail.”

“That was _real_?!” Pierre gawked at his daughter. “You went on an adventure and became a hero?!”

She laughed. “You know that game I’m always playing? It was the plot of that game; the setting too, except you were the uncle character, and Kaleb was the Prince. And Morris was the evil wizard, and I kicked his ass. It was great. Oh, and Lewis was the village elder character. I’m not sure about anyone else, I didn’t talk to every character, I kinda just finished as fast as possible, since I didn’t really know what the deal was.”

“And because you wanted to be done so you could woo the Prince,” Pierre said knowingly. “Speaking of which… you _woke up_ at Kaleb’s, didn’t you?”

Kaleb held up his hands. “Nothing happened, I swear.”

Abigail snorted. “Yes, I did, and nothing happened, as long as smooching him doesn’t count.”

“Well, you know, I happen to sell bouquets, if you’re in the market,” Pierre shot him a cheeky grin, continuing, “and given you’re kissing my daughter, it certainly sounds like you are.”

Abigail groaned. “Oh, come on, dad,” she stopped for a moment, then laughed. “Actually; alright, yeah. I don’t know about Hyrule, but I definitely know the courtship gestures here in Pelican Town.” She walked over to the display, looking the arrangements over.

Pierre was taken aback. “Wait, _you’re_ buying one?”

Kaleb laughed. “I mean, she did kinda go on this whole quest to save me, she’s definitely the instigating party between us.”

Abigail spoke without looking up from the case. “Yeah, he was the classic damsel in distress pretty much the whole time; heartfelt, bashful ‘come back safe, okay?’ with a kiss on the cheek and everything. It was _adorable_.” She reached a decision, pointing. “This one.”

“I—I see.” Pierre walked over and took it out, handing it over the counter. “Here.”

Abigail raised her eyebrows. “You’re not charging me for it?”

“You’re my _daughter_.” Pierre smiled gently. “Of course I’m not. Besides, this seems to just be a formality, you have better things to spend your money on.”

“Than Kaleb?” Abigail laughed. “I won’t turn town the gesture, but I disagree about having better things to spend my money on. Besides, most of the stuff I’d get him would indirectly benefit me anyway.”

“Fair enough.” Pierre smiled wider. “Congratulations, you two. I’m glad things worked out,” Abigail recognized the look on Pierre’s face, but not soon enough to stop him from finishing, “she’s been pining for you for almost two seasons now.”

“ _Dad!_ ” Abigail blushed, hiding her face. “Why would you say that?!” she whined.

Pierre laughed, shaking his head. “Sorry, sorry.”

“Wait, really? Damn, I’ve had it bad for you for ages, I would have said something sooner,” Kaleb laughed.

Abigail spluttered, and Pierre laughed even harder. “See? It’s not just you.”

She grabbed Kaleb’s hand, leading him into the house. “Okay thanks dad bye!” she blurted. They turned into her room, and both stopped short, staring in shock.

There was a lumpy burlap bundle at the foot of her bed, out of which stuck a rather familiar sword hilt. “No _way_.” Abigail walked over, unwrapping it to reveal her equipment from Hyrule, including the Power Glove she’d left with the Prince. “Oh, man, I _really_ hope these are still magic,” she murmured.

Kaleb walked over, picking up the silver gauntlet and slipping it on. “Huh, it still fits me perfectly.” He held his hand out straight. “Definitely _feels_ like it still works.”

She pulled the Titan’s Mitt on, and began to laugh. “Oh, it definitely still works. That one is ten times, this one is like, a hundred. I might be able to pick up Pam’s _trailer_ with this on.”

“So, what you’re saying is we need to go on an expedition like, ASAP.”

She looked up at him with a grin. “Wanna take the Master Sword for a spin?”

He grinned back. “Oh, _hell_ yeah.” He shot her a wink. “You sure know how to plan one hell of a first date.”

“What can I say?” Her eyes twinkled. “I’m a witch. We know things.”


End file.
